Parental mental health. The true impact.
As parents, we strive to give our children the best. We want to shield them from the storms of life, even when we’re caught in the middle of one ourselves. But the truth is, when we’re struggling, our kids know. They may not fully understand what’s happening, but they feel the undercurrent of stress, sadness, or chaos. And while we may think we’re protecting them by holding it all together, the real gift we can give them is healing—for ourselves and for them.
My mum was an incredible woman, but she had been through a lot. Her childhood and teenage years were riddled with challenges, and by the time she reached her early 40s, the weight of it all became too much to bear. She struggled, and while I know now it was never her fault, as a child between the ages of 5 and 10, I didn’t have the words or understanding to process it. All I knew was chaos, and I thought it was my fault.
When the atmosphere in our home felt tense or unpredictable, my young mind tried to make sense of it the only way it could. I believed that I must have done something wrong. If only I had been quieter, tidier, or better in some way, maybe Mum would smile more. Maybe the weight I saw in her eyes would lift. But the reality was that her struggle had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the pain she had carried for so long.
Our house was a result of someone causing pain to my mother that she didn’t choose, and based on the thousands of conversations Ive had in my roll as a facilitator, this isn’t uncommon.
"Children are the silent victims of their parents’ mental health struggles."
Looking back, there’s one thing I wish I could tell my younger self, and something I wish my mum could have known: I didn’t need her to hold it all in. I didn’t want her to pretend everything was fine. What I wanted was to help her, to understand her pain, and to feel connected. Instead, her silence left me to fill the gaps with self-blame.
This isn’t a unique story. Many of us who grow up with parents facing mental health challenges share similar feelings of confusion, guilt, and even shame. And as parents, it’s a stark reminder of how important it is to address our own struggles. Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of love. When we heal, we break the cycle. We show our children that it’s okay to ask for help, to feel deeply, and to face life’s difficulties with courage.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not always easy. It takes vulnerability, effort, and often professional support. But the impact on your children—and on yourself—is profound. When we take steps to care for our mental health, we create a more stable, nurturing environment where our children can thrive. We teach them resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of prioritising well-being.
If you’re struggling, I urge you to take a moment to reflect. If you’re ‘holding it together in silence, know you dont have to. What steps can you take to seek help? Maybe it’s opening up to a trusted friend, reaching out to a therapist, or joining a support group. Prevention and early intervention are powerful tools that can transform not only your life but also the lives of your children and the people around you.